Sex and Power

BREAKING NEWS: BELOVED NATIONAL LEADER CHARGED WITH MURDER IN SEX COVER UP. No that is not a headline from today’s news even though it sounds like it could be. It’s a summary of a salacious sex scandal in 2 Samuel 12 where King David has Uriah, the husband of his mistress Bathsheba, killed in battle so he won’t find out that David impregnated his wife while Uriah was off fighting David’s battles. David was even foolish enough to put his evil cover up scheme in writing: “In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah. In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, so that he may be struck down and die.” (2 Samuel 11:14)

Sex scandals are nothing new, nor do we seem to have learned much in the last 3000 years. Like many I am disgusted and embarrassed by the political theater playing out in the Kavanaugh Supreme Court confirmation hearings. Like the Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill drama 27 years ago we have no process to fairly evaluate the accusations that have been leveled at Judge Kavanaugh by Dr. Ford. The members of the judiciary committee are divided along party lines and frankly unable to be objective and fair in settling this “He said, she said” matter.

As I write this we don’t know if Dr. Ford is going to appear before the Judiciary Committee or not. We do know that she and her family’s lives have been changed forever by this painful decision to come forward. Yes, the Democrats should have brought this whole matter up sooner, but that is only a problem because this whole process has been rushed through for purely political reasons.
We may never know the truth in this matter, and I know my own political biases cloud my thinking about it. But what I do know is that this is a teachable moment for all of us men. No matter what the outcome of the confirmation process Judge Kavanaugh’s reputation will never be the same. And the lesson we men need to learn and we need to teach our sons and grandsons is that girls and women cannot be treated disrespectfully.

The “Me Too” movement has shown us over and over again that there are consequences for sexual misconduct. We need to celebrate that the days of “boys will be boys” is being strongly and effectively challenged by women in all walks of life.

We will no longer get away with sexual misconduct. King David learned that lesson too when the prophet Nathan had the courage to confront him about his sinful behavior. Nathan does it indirectly by telling David a parable about a rich man who steals from his poor neighbor, and David is angry at that injustice. And then Nathan springs the punch line and says, “You are the Man.” (2 Samuel 12)

Like Nathan there have always been some voices willing to challenge abuse of power, but those voices especially those of women have been ignored. We are just now feeling the brunt of sexual abuse in every aspect of our society, in the church, government, and entertainment industry. And those are just the ones that make the news. God only knows how many women and girls are still suffering in silence.
David does confess his sin when Nathan confronts him, but Nathan tells him that even though his sin is forgiven there will still be dire consequences for his action.

The sooner we men can join David and say ‘Me Too,” I am guilty of treating women with disrespect, the sooner things will move toward justice for all. Most of us men are not guilty of adultery in the strict interpretation of that act, but we need to learn that how we think and feel about women in any way that demeans them, fails to value their ideas, pays them less than men, or tries to silence their voices because what they have to say makes us uncomfortable if we have to admit our own complicity in this age-old problem, all of those behaviors are flat out wrong.

No matter how the Supreme Court confirmation turns out there will be no winners unless we as a society can learn a lesson from this situation and take at least some small steps toward a better world where there is “neither male nor female” (Galatians 3:28) but where we are all one in God’s universal family.

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Like a Woman

Bertha Hemmert was my surrogate grandma when I was growing up on Murray Street in Wapakoneta, Ohio. Not that I needed another grandma—I had two very loving ones already; but a little kid can never get too much of that special love that grandmas are so good at. And Mrs. Hemmert as I knew her then had one big advantage over my “real” grandmothers—she was just across the alley no more than 50 feet from our back door. She was probably younger than I am now, but to my 7 year-old self she seemed ancient. I don’t remember how she first befriended me. It was likely one of the many times I hit a stray baseball into her yard and had to go fetch it.

Two things I remember very well—I enjoyed hanging out at her house and “helping” her with chores like cleaning green beans from her garden. I’m sure I was often more trouble than help but I always felt welcome to drop in whenever I wanted. The other thing I remember – because my family has never let me forget it – is that one day while helping Mrs. Hemmert in the kitchen I announced to her that “I think I want to be a woman when I grow up.”
No, that was not some confusion over my sexual identity. As I reflect back on that memory and my childhood I have come to believe it meant I just felt loved being in her company and wanted to enjoy that feeling as much as I could. And it was not just Mrs. Hemmert who represented that unconditional love and acceptance for me. The most important people in my early life who gave me that kind of affirmation were all women—my grandmothers, my mom and my Aunt Ruth.

My reflection on those childhood relationships have been inspired by all of the events in our society in the past year that have raised awareness of female power and courage in spite of oppression and abuse–and by the guilt and remorse I feel that in spite of my life-long appreciation for women I have been part of the male dominated power structure that I could not be insulated from growing up in the 1950’s. Mrs. H. was typical of all of my female role models as I grew up. They were all stay-at-home mothers and homemakers, and they lived out that vocation proudly and well.

Proverbs 31 and has been used and misused to praise and eulogize many women like those. It says in part “A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her servant-girls. (Proverbs 31:10-15 NRSV) Of course the women in my life were the “servant-girls” for their families rather than having any, but that proverb is attributed to King Lemuel’s mother giving her son advice; and he could relate to that particular reference.

The misuse part of that Proverb has been on the hard-working from before dawn to after dark woman who is subservient to her husband. But listen to what other parts of that proverb say about women of strength as entrepreneurs and teachers of wisdom: “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She makes linen garments and sells them; she supplies the merchant with sashes. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” (Vss.16-19, 24-29)

That part of this proverb reminds us that to limit women, or anyone, to a particular role or station in life is not only foolish but absolutely wrong. To respect or pay women less for the same work men do is unjust. To treat women as sex-objects in blatant, abusive or even subtle or unintended ways is wrong and must stop.
I was proud of Mrs. Hemmert and wanted to be like her – because “the teaching of kindness was on her tongue” and she treated me as someone of value and worth. Women today are demanding the same kind of respect and dignity and unconditional love that the wonderful women in my life gave me. Did they raise a perfect son or grandson or nephew? Of course not. There we too many sexist forces in my life in the way I was taught what it meant to be a man; in the ways all of the heroes of American history were portrayed as powerful white men; in the male-dominated leadership of the churches I was nurtured in; in the movies and television shows I watched; in the literature I read; and the list goes on and on.

But this I know, the seeds of love and compassion were sown in my heart and soul by people like Mrs. Hemmert. I have often been embarrassed when my family tells that story about my wanting to be a woman; but today I am proud to proclaim that I am still striving to be like her; to offer everyone the kind of affirmation and hospitality she gave to me. I want to be like the women who have had the courage to speak their truth to power in the past few months. I want to be like the men that Oprah included in her great speech at last night’s Golden Globes when she said:
“So I want all the girls watching here, now, to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say ‘Me too’ again.”