Can We Forgive Without Forgetting?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ” Matthew 5:43-44

I was sitting in Tim Horton’s on 9/11/23 while new tires were being installed on my car. I read a couple very moving pieces on Facebook about 9/11 and began trying to figure out why I am more emotional about that awful day now, 22 years later, than I can remember being except on the day itself, and maybe not even then.

I know that like my father before me I get emotional more easily as I age. Don’t tell anyone, but I even get weepy sometimes at the oh so predictable ending of a Hallmark movie. This emotional remembrance started when my wife and I watched a very moving piece on 60 Minutes Sunday night about the 433 firefighters killed that day, and I’m embarrassed to admit it’s the first time I’ve thought about one of my very best friends who is a retired firefighter. I know without a doubt that if he could have gotten himself to New York that day he would have been one of those who died trying to reach the people trapped over 80 floors up in the towers. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like these last 22 years if I had lost his friendship.

And then I read a post from a retired American Airlines pilot who was in the air that day enroute from Venezuela to JFK. He was diverted to Miami but not given any reason for the diversion. Being a recently retired Air Force pilot he knew something awful was happening but had no idea how awful.

His moving account of how he couldn’t reach his wife or kids to let them know he was ok brought me to tears, and I have a renewed sense of empathy for what so many people who were directly affected by that tragedy in all 3 locations went and are still going through. Grief has no expiration date.

Unfortunately there also doesn’t seem to be any statute of limitations on the hate and paranoia that rose up out of the ashes of ground zero, the Pentagon, or Shanksville, PA. Every time I hear or see the phrase “Never Forget” in relation to 9/11 I cringe a bit. I understand never forgetting the pain and grief from losing a loved one in such a God awful way. I have buried enough friends, colleagues, and loved ones to know that memories never die, but to lose someone so suddenly and never have the closure of saying good bye or even having any remains to bury is truly more than I can imagine.

But here’s the part of “Never Forget” that troubles me, and it did almost immediately after the initial shock and disbelief of that unbelievable day began to wear off. I know exactly what I felt because I have it in writing and proclaimed it publicly in a sermon on September 21, 2001. That sermon is the only one I ever preached that people remembered years later. The message I felt compelled to share that day was based on the text from the Sermon on the Mount about loving our enemies. I say compelled because I didn’t want to say that while the wounds of 9/11 were so raw and the dust hadn’t even settled at Ground Zero. But I knew it needed to be said.

Here’s a part of what God spoke that day through this reluctant prophet. I titled the sermon, “How Can We Ever Do That?”

“But from the very first hours of the tragedy my greatest pain and fear was not for the damage and suffering that occurred on September 11, as unbelievably horrible as it was. My greatest pain and fear has been for the inevitable escalation and perpetuation of violence that I knew these horrible acts would generate in retaliation that will inflict more suffering on more innocent people.

A friend of mine told me just after the attacks that he had forgotten how easy it is to be a Christian in times of peace and prosperity. And he is very right. We turn to God and scripture for comfort and reassurance in times of distress, as well we must and should, but some of the most important words of scripture also challenge us and are hard to hear.

And that’s why I have been engaged in a lovers’ quarrel with Jesus for the last 12 days over what to say this morning. I have tried every trick I know to avoid the difficult words we just heard from the Sermon on the Mount–these words that are high on the list of those we wish Jesus hadn’t said, but they would not let me rest. They have forced themselves into my consciousness over and over again, pleading, demanding, and crying out to be proclaimed. 

“You have heard it said…” O, have we ever – all the public opinion polls confirm in spades that those who want revenge are legion, and I include myself in those who are angry. Getting even is a natural human reaction, and we’ve all been there many times this month. “You have heard it said, an eye for and a tooth for a tooth.” Sounds like good advice. In fact, at the time those words were written, they were designed to limit revenge; so victims would not demand two eyes for an eye, or a whole mouthful of teeth for a tooth. But as someone has said, if we follow the eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth philosophy to its logical conclusion, we end up with a world full of blind, toothless people, and the cycle of violence and pain continues forever.

… Jesus says a bit earlier in the Sermon on the Mount, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.” By whom? Not by their enemies or by most of their peers. Peacemakers, cheek turners, are more often called “yellow” and “coward” or “chicken,” but seldom ever “children of God.” We would much rather go with Moses on this one wouldn’t we, but are we followers of Moses or Jesus?

It is hard to find silver linings in some clouds, but even in tragedy there are some benefits. We see it in extended families that rally around each other when there is a death of illness. And in a similar fashion, the outpouring of patriotic spirit and resolve in the last two weeks has been amazing. One could certainly argue that this tragedy has created a sense of community that has been sorely lacking in our nation for many years. But Jesus asks us to take that sense of community one giant step further–to include even our enemies in the circle of God’s family.

I had a flashback to Jr. Hi youth fellowship this morning. One of those awkward moments when we were circling up to say the benediction at the end of a meeting, and I found myself next to a girl and was afraid I’d get her cooties if I had to hold her hand. And some wonderful adult counselor saw the problem and stepped in between us to close the circle. That’s just what Jesus does when he asks us to love our enemies. When we can’t bring ourselves to take that hand, Jesus steps in and completes the circle.” [The whole sermon, if you would like to read it is archived here in a post from Sept. 11, 2014.]

It was several years after 9/11 that I had an insight about how forgiveness of one’s enemies is possible. When Jesus says from the cross “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do,” (Luke 23:34) notice that he doesn’t say “I forgive them;” but instead asks God to do it. Without getting into sticky issues about the Trinity it seems very possible that being fully human Jesus was in such agony that he couldn’t practice what he had preached. He couldn’t forgive his enemies right at that gruesome moment — but he knew someone who could; and so do we.

We will never forget 9/11/2001, but with God’s help we can forgive. Amen