On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me – a much-needed rest! For my fellow introverts that sentence needs no explanation, but for the other 75% of the population this is a PSA. That acronym has new meaning for me since my prostate started acting up several years ago, but in this instance it means what it originally meant, a Public Service Announcement.
First indulge me a bit of introspection, because that’s what introverts do best. I’ve been a bah-humbug kind of guy when it comes to how we Americans celebrate Christmas for as long as I can remember. I’ve attributed that to two things – the hectic work schedule of church professionals in December and my disdain for the way commercialism has hijacked the essence of the Christmas message.
But lo and behold this old dog can still have a new insight, and this year it dawned on me that my introverted personality may be an even bigger factor in my attitude about the holiday season. First, let’s be clear I’m not talking about the common misunderstanding that having an introverted personality style means being “shy.” Introverts can be just as out-going, warm, and friendly as extroverts. The difference is being all those things takes a lot more energy for introverts than extroverts because of the way the two personality types are energized.
Introverts need some downtime, some solitude to recharge their batteries, and that kind of quiet time is hard to come by in the busyness of the holiday season. Extroverts on the other hand naturally get more energized from being around people in all the family, business and social gatherings that December has to offer. And here’s an important fact that all of us need to understand. Research shows that about 75% of Americans have an extroverted personality preference and 25% are introverts. That’s important because the majority of the population is naturally going to set the tempo and determine what kind of culture we have; therefore all of us live in a world better suited to extroverts than introverts.
That’s not a judgment. Neither personality type is better or worse than the other. They are just two different ways we are wired, and we can’t change that. My anecdotal/personal experience with that is that I’ve taken a variety of personality type indicator tests, and even when I “cheat” and try to give answers that I think are what an extroverts would say I still score as an introvert.
One’s personality preference per se is not a problem. Introverts can function well in extroverted situations and vice versa, but it helps everyone to get along better if we realize how such situations affect our energy levels. For example, my wife Diana and I had a very full social calendar from Christmas Eve through New Year’s Day. During that 9 day period we had at least one and often more activities scheduled on 8 of those days. All of them were fun (except for a couple painful football and basketball games that didn’t turn out as we hoped) and with people we love and enjoy being around. For Diana, an extrovert, being with family and friends, going to parties, a concert, celebrating the New Year and her January 1st birthday were energizing. (Although I think even she is ready for a break now.)
For me, and I’m guessing for other introverts, that same string of busy days and nights felt like a marathon with precious little time to catch my breath and recharge my batteries. I share all that because having this insight a few days ago helped me pace myself a bit and accept myself and others for who we are and how we function. That understanding helped me feel less resentful about the hyper-extroverted way we do Christmas. I hope it is helpful to others as well.
Early January is a time for all of us to slow down and breathe, but it’s a necessity for us introverts. Happy 2020!!
Peacefully Harsh 
Well, you are right about this, my friend! I’m done in and still trying to get my head straight after nearly 2 days of nothing. I suspect I’m more of an introvert than most folks think. Many of my fondest memories are of extended times alone, most notably day after day studying alone in my 4×4 box in the Duke Divinity School library. I’m not sure I’ve ever been completely happy since. Another was swimming a mile every day following 12 hours of solitary studying. Swimming is a very solitary activity even if you’re in a pool with a hundred other people. It’s one place where people (almost all of them) try to avoid your space and fall all over themselves apologizing if they get into your lane. Our work environment for those 20 or so years together didn’t provide much opportunity for having our own space – physical, emotional, or intellectual – which may be why it seemed so stressful to me. Peace to you in your own time during the coming “roaring twenties”!
We’ll said! As an extrovert, this year I tried having a stomach bug between Christmas & New Year’s. Got me lots of unanticipated peace & quiet, but I don’t recommend it.
Hi, Steve, this is the best 3-4 paragraph summary of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain that I have read anywhere or could imagine reading. As an introvert who “lived as an extravert” for decades (something that Susan Cain says is very common, precisely because, as you–and she–say, the world is predominantly extravert), I can really relate. Thanks for the great post.